Hey love… just curious…have you ever looked at your life and realized that the softness you were living wasn’t actually yours??
I have.
For a long time I thought I knew exactly what the soft life looked like. I had a picture of it in my head, clear as anything. It looked like being taken care of. Waking up without an alarm. Getting my lashes done on a Tuesday just because. Long massages and fresh nails and someone else handling the hard parts while I floated through my days in something warm and comfortable and easy.
And for a while, it was exactly that. But here is what nobody tells you about a soft life that is built on someone else’s foundation…
It is not really yours.
And the moment that foundation shifts…and it always does…you realize that everything you called soft was actually just borrowed. And borrowed things have a way of being taken back when you least expect it.
So there I was. Starting over. Again. In a new city. With a new life. And a very loud question right in the middle of all of it…
What does my soft life actually look like when it belongs entirely to me??
What I Thought the Soft Life Was
I think a lot of us came to the soft life through the same door…exhaustion.
We had been doing too much for too long. Working too hard. Carrying too much. Pouring into everyone around us until there was nothing left in our cup. Then one day we discovered this idea…this beautiful radical idea…that we did not have to live like that anymore.
The soft life became the antidote. Our permission slip. What we pointed to and said…that. I want that.
In my mind that looked like a very specific set of things. Being taken care of financially. Not having to grind every single day. Having someone who handled things so I could just breathe. Getting my nails done. My lashes. A massage here and there. The kind of life that looked beautiful on the outside because the inside felt cushioned and safe.
Now I am not going to pretend that it wasn’t wonderful while it lasted…but I built it on someone else. And that is where I went wrong.
What Starting Over Taught Me About Softness
When you start over…like really start over…you lose a lot of things. Some of them you expected to lose. Some of them blindside you completely.
What blindsided me was losing my soft life along with everything else.
Because suddenly the nails and the lashes and the easy mornings would be gone. I realized that I had never actually built softness for myself. I had just borrowed someone else’s version of it and called it mine.
Starting over taught me something I did not want to learn…
The softness that lives inside of you cannot be taken away. But softness that depends on someone else?? It leaves the moment they do.
I had to start from scratch. Not just rebuilding my life, but rebuilding my understanding of what a soft life even means when it belongs to no one but me.
What the Soft Life Actually Is
Here is what I am learning. Slowly, imperfectly learning…
The soft life is not about being taken care of by someone else. It is about taking care of yourself so completely that you stop needing someone else to do it for you.
It is a dedicated self care day that belongs entirely to you…not because someone gave it to you, but because you decided you deserved it!!
It is the morning coffee routines that nobody can interrupt because it is YOURS!!
It is a genuine friendship…the kind where someone picks up the phone and actually shows up…that fills you back up instead of draining you!!
It is learning to enjoy your own company. To take yourself to lunch. To sit in a coffee shop alone and feel like that is enough!!
It is building a routine that feels good in YOUR body on YOUR schedule in YOUR space!!
It is saying no to the things that make you feel less than…and yes to the things that make you feel like yourself!!
The soft life I am building now looks nothing like the one I thought I wanted!!
It is quieter. It is mine. And somehow it feels softer than anything I have ever had before…because nobody can take it away from me!!
How to Start Building YOUR Soft Life From Scratch
If you are starting over, or if you are realizing that the soft life you have been living was borrowed, here is where I would tell you to begin!!
Start with one morning habit that belongs entirely to you!!
Just one. Warm lemon water. A quiet cup of coffee before anyone else wakes up. Ten minutes of journaling. Something that says…this morning belongs to me!!
Invest in yourself first…even when the budget is tight!!
A fresh set of nails. A face mask from the drugstore. An Epsom salt bath with lavender oil. Softness does not have to be expensive…it just has to be intentional!!
Create dedicated self care days…and protect them!!
Put it in your calendar like an appointment you cannot cancel!! Because you can’t!! YOU are the appointment…You deserve it!!
Start building real friendships…even when it feels impossible!!
I know how hard this is. I am in a new city where I do not know anyone. But I am learning that genuine connection starts with showing up…in comments, in conversations, in small honest moments!! Your people are out there!!
Stop waiting for someone else to give you the life you want!!
This is the hardest one. Yet the most important one. The soft life you are dreaming about?? You can start building it today. With what you have. Where you are. On your own terms!!
The Soft Life I Am Building
I will not pretend I have it all figured out. Trust me I don’t!!
Some days the soft life feels very far away. Some days I am just trying to get through the morning without falling apart!!
But I am building something. Quietly and internationally. One small soft decision at a time!!
Here is what I know for sure…
The soft life that is coming for me is going to be better than anything I ever borrowed!! Because it will be built by my own hands, on my own foundation, in my own time!!
And nobody…not one single person…will ever be able to take it away from me!!
That?? That is the softest thing I have ever felt!! 🌸
Pull up a chair love. There’s coffee. And we are building something beautiful together!! đź’•
Xoxo, Reneé
